If at first you don't succeed
by LSgrimm91
Summary: COMPLETE! When Sam runs into first year academy student, Jonathan O'Neill, again; she can't resist the chance to experience the emotional rollercoaster of being with the fearless youth, if only for a weekend.  S/J between Season 8 and 9. Read the A/note.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own no characters or concepts portrayed in the Stargate franchise. But I'm optimistic I will become a billionaire.  
****A/note: for those wanting to flame me already, no, Sam and Jonathan won't be doing anything naughty. Warning though, there is one kiss and lots of moments. No S/J relationship (yet) It's basically an emotional affair. Set between season 9 & 10. ****Definitely AU****. It's all finished so excuse the small chapters. They will come frequently. As always, feedback is my drug. **_**Please be my enabler.**_

**FIXED: I didn'tdo any research (evidently) and had to make some adjustments. So for those who've read this already, please go check the changes. Yes, the main changes are harder to believe, but its the only way to save this story (and my ass.)**

~~ **If at first you don't succeed** ~~

_Friday morning_

They clapped politely at the conclusion of her lecture like a wiggling ocean with bobbing heads between the waves; showing just enough enthusiasm to assure her they had paid sufficient attention to the content.

"Colonel Carter?" One of the cadets quickly approached her as she stepped away from the lector.

"Yes?"

The young man held out his hand to her. He was remarkably short; his hair fell over his face in such a way that it would only be regulation if it were plastered back. He smiled eagerly, more than a cadet should after a guest physics lecture, but it seemed genuine. She shook his hand.

"I just wanted to thank you for speaking today Ma'am. I very much enjoyed it."

"Well I'm glad you did." She smiled back. He offered an insightful comment; peaking her curiosity. Soon, they were discussing concepts well beyond the young cadet's course, but she admired the extent of his knowledge, and even more so, his thorough understanding.

"Hey Richard!" a voice called to the young man from the dissipating crowd. She turned to glance back over her shoulder, ready to dismiss the cadet.

Holy Hannah...

He was as gobsmacked as she. There, as a first year Coast Guard academy cadet, was her former commanding officer's clone. Though he had certainly changed in the two years since her eyes were last upon him. Definitely taller, perhaps slightly taller than she, and given she was wearing heels he probably had a good two inches on her now. More heavily built, but the Coast Guard and his own need for activity would have taken care of that. She suspected, given he had displayed a blatant disgust at being a scrawny teen again; his own pride was the greatest motivator. Well, whatever it was, it was _certainly_ working. She never expected to see him here.

Before she would finish her observations, he turned and rabbitted back up the stairs, dodging the stragglers still leaving the auditorium.

"Jonathan?" The cadet, Richard, called to him. He moved faster, though more clumsily.

"Cadet O'Neill!" she called. He was so near the top, but indeed he did stop, turning back to face her. She hastily made her way up the stairs, stopping just one below him. He gave her a pained looked. It wasn't pained as the rest of the world would perceive it. She knew confusion was the main contribution.

"Ma'am..." he said in the tone he normally used when he said 'Carter'. God, that was weird; hearing him speak up to her.

"It's good to see you. I didn't realise you were here." The awkwardness suddenly rose in her throat.

"Well the Coast Guard pretty much offered it up on a silver platter, so why not... might as well learn something different." He shrugged casually. As if this wasn't unusual.

It was then she noticed the books he had clasped at his side. As if reading her mind, he held them out to her, knowing she would have asked.

She took the top textbook. Civil engineering. Not something she would have picked for him, but then again, as hard as he had tried to convince her of otherwise, she knew he was far from unintelligent. He had wanted to take a different path to the Jack O'Neill she knew; and to be fair, he had. Though going Coast Guard had certainly surprised her.

Before she was aware of exactly what she was doing, she slipped her business card into the front cover of his book and handed it back. She had every reason to _not_ do what she just did. She couldn't understand why she needed to reconnect with him. Again, she had every reason not to. He hadn't missed her slide of hand either, she knew that for certain.

Their eyes connected for a second and she could see the gears turn in his head, searching for answers in hers. And then it was gone. He put his mask back on.

"It's good to see you too Ma'am. Maybe we could catch up some other time? I hope..." he trailed off. He would call her. Or at least, he was more likely to than not. He gaze shifted over her shoulder and she registered the footsteps approaching them. Richard appeared at her side.

"You'll have to forgive us Ma'am, but Cadet Barton and I need to go to our next class." Jonathan advised, his tone a little cold.

"Of course, don't let me keep you." She dismissed them, not missing the playful look Cadet Barton gave him as they continued up the stairs and out of sight. She quickly returned to the front of the classroom to collect her notes.

"It seems he was quite taken by you Colonel." Mr Sutton, the usual lecturer, approached her quietly.

"Excuse me?" she said perhaps too hastily.

"Cadet Barton. He seemed to enjoy your lecture." He stopped and planted his hand on the table.

"Oh, yes, he told me he did." Her cheeks warmed from the embarrassment.

"Smart as they come, that one. He already has a degree in mathematics from Harvard prior to coming here. Joined up as soon as he was allowed to; his old man was Navy and he followed along into the services. Though for the life of me I can't understand his friendship with O'Neill..." He mused.

"Why do you say that?" she wondered.

"Oh, don't get me wrong... O'Neill is an intelligent lad, but he seems to go out of his way to convince everyone he's a dumb as a doorpost. Sleeping in class and such, and when he is awake he's off somewhere else. So I've heard. He's one of those kids that absorbs information, and when assessment comes around, apparently he performs exceedingly well. But I guess you knew that." he chuckled.

"Excuse me?" she was lost on a train of thought.

"Sorry, it just seemed as though you two knew each other." He defended.

"Oh! Um, you could say that. Kind of a family friend situation." She tried.

**~SJ~**

**I liked this story too much to go to waste, despite the obvious problems, that come only from my gross negligence and lack of simple research.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: not mine.  
Chapter summary: Jon's friends nag him about a certain blonde Air Force officer.  
A/note: Yes, I moved Jonathan to the United States Coast Guard Academt in New London, CT (see, I looked it up). It's the only way I could think of to save the story. Please, if there is something out of whack, forgive me. I'm on the other side of the world and only know what the internet tells me. Thank you to everyone for the kind and very informative reviews.  
****  
****FIXED: I didn't research and had to make some adjustments. So for those who've read this already, please go check the changes. Yes, the main changes are hard to believe, but its the only way to save this story (and my ass.)**

**~SJ~**

_Later_

Jonathan, as he had now established himself, sat in the commissary alone, twirling the business card around his fingers.

What did she expect? That they could strike up a friendship after what had happened? He was moving on; at least he was trying to. It was hard to listen to lectures in a stuffy classroom when your mind was on a different planet with friends who were no longer his own. To be fair to his new group of friends, he loved the society of the academy. And his own friends were not as delinquent as half the other cadets.

Take Richard, he should probably be teaching half the courses, but 'likes the classroom environment' too much. Walking contradiction right there. Totally ambidextrous too, this always took him off guard when Richard would randomly start writing left-handed. Or Kirsten Winchester, chopper pilot in training and Indiana Jones in her down time. She was always looking for new things. Shy as all hell, but a totally dirty sense of humour he could privately share. And then there was Sandy. Correction, Sandra Eckhart. Now she was even more mouse-like than Kirsten, but when she put her game face on, no one would question her. Absolutely left sided and a great listener. If you started her on movies and TV shows, she was an even better talker.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder, causing him to jump higher than he would ever admit.

"Hey, whatchya up to?" Richard climbed into the seat across from him. He casually closed his hand around the small card.

"Nothing."

"Liar. You've got a number there." His friend pointed to his clenching hand.

"Do not." He argued weakly.

"Don't what?" Kirsten popped up out of nowhere and slid in next to Richard.

"Jonathan got someone's phone number and he's not sharing" Richard relayed to Kirsten playfully.

"Oh really? Who did you have to beg this time?" This time Sandy planted herself next to him. He was being ganged up on and he knew it.

"No one." He argued again. They didn't buy it.

"Well if you don't tell, we're gonna have to guess then." Kirsten chortled. She touched a finger to her lips and surveyed the room.

"It wouldn't be a cadet, he'd talk to her on campus." Richard elbowed Kirsten.

"That's right..." Sandy toyed.

Oh for crying out loud. This was ridiculous.

"She's not a student." He barked. The group fell silent for a moment, until Richard's chuckle rang out.

"I know who it is." He grinned his monkey-like grin. Smug bastard.

"Who?" Kirsten and Sandy asked quickly. Richard was going to tell, and if Jonathan knew the guy well enough, his guess was likely correct.

"_Lieutenant_..." an 'ooh' escaped Kirsten.

Jonathan dropped his head and groaned. Bastard.

"_Colonel_..." Sandy snickered beside him.

'I'm gonna shave his eyebrows.' Jonathan thought ruefully.

"_Carter_."

His head clunked on the table and he groaned too loudly. Richard will be sown to his bed tonight.

"Are you _serious_?" Sandy practically gasped.

"You're a dead man." He pointed to Richard. "D-E-D. Dead." He threatened. Not seriously of course.

"Dude, insert denial here." He drew a horizontal line in the air with his pinched fingers.

Jonathan gave up. He opened his hand and let the card lay flat on the table for his friends to see.

There was a small scuffle between Richard and Kirsten as they both made a grab for it. Both missing, Sandy quickly snatched it up, leaving an exchange of dirty looks between the losers. Jonathan just cupped his chin in his hands and rested on his elbows, snorting at his childish friends.

In reality his mind was racing from what they would think, compared to the reality of the situation; though quite frankly he didn't understand Carter's sudden appearance or her desire to talk to him.

Sandy flicked it, testing it authenticity. She let ought a thoughtful 'hmm' and handed it back.

"Friend of the family right?" she offered. Oh my god, she was a life-saver.

"Yeah. Kind of." He smiled his thanks.

Family friend. Sure. That's all. Nothing more. What was the harm?

**~SJ~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Not mine.  
Chapter summary: Jack sneaks off for a night out with Carter.  
A/note: yes, I know Jon wouldn't actually be able to get friday night off, or saturday off base either, but for the sake of the story, can we let it slide? So, if you haven't noticed, the story has been changed to save my ass. Thank you to everyone for thier kind and tolerant reviews.****  
****  
FIXED: I didn't do any research and had to make some adjustments. So for those who've read this already, please go check the changes. Yes, the main changes are hard to believe, but its the only way to save this story (and my ass.)**

~SJ~

_That evening_

The shrill of her cell startled her as she drove towards her hotel block. After a moment of digging, she found the noisy item.

"Colonel Carter." She answered.

"Hey, it's Jonathan." Oh Jesus. She wasn't expecting that.

"Ah... Hey. What's up?" she tried not to come off as awkward. She failed. Rather epically.

"You still in town?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm down for a few days."

"Um..." Uh ha, there was his nervousness. "Did you like, want to catch up or something? Seems kind of a waste of an opportunity, ya know."

"Well, I'm free until I go back to Colorado on Sunday and I'm already in my car. Are you on base or off?" This was a bad idea. Surely.

"On base, but we get liberty tomorrow at one, have a place down the road from the academy. I'll text you the address."

"You learnt how to text?" she queried.

"Well, like Daniel said, anthropologists do it all the time. Learnin' to live with the locals and such." She could tell he was smiling at the shared memory of her threatening to eat a certain headdress.

"You're not an anthropologist." She teased. Why did she just tease him? What had gotten into her?

"I am now." He replied with a small, almost indiscernible sigh. Oh, of course, he was stuck in the body of an eighteen year old with the mentality of a fifty four year old.

"I'll see you when you get here. I'm calling in pizza, fridge is kinda empty, so get out of your A classes." He advised.

She scoffed and chuckled lightly.

"I thought you were stuck on base till tomorrow? Don't you dare go sneak off..." She threatened. She would not be the cause of any disciplinary action against him.

"Ah, but that's the thing. I put you down as my next of kin. If you happened to get sick, I can get off base to attend to your needs. Relax, if I asked on Monday, they'd definitely say no. It's Friday night so they'll be more inclined to get rid of me."

"Wouldn't they notice that you ask for leave whilst I'm in town?"

"Nup. I put you down as Sam Carter, my guardian. They probably think you're a guy. If they ask, I'll put it down to coincidence. They also think you live at my place anyway. I don't think they'll notice anyway."

She sighed. It's not like she could stop him.

"Alright then. See ya." She hung up.

What the hell had she gotten herself into? Nothing. It was nothing. They were old friends. Nothing more.

~SJ~

_After sunset_

He managed to get Friday night off, because his 'guardian' had supposedly come down with a bad case of the flu and may need his help over the next couple of days. He was right, the commandant was happier giving him Friday night off, than if he asked for a school night.

He didn't get to spend much time in it. Some of the other cadets whose families lived in town actually went home for Saturday night liberty. He nicked of to the small property as soon as the clock hit 1300h. He didn't totally mind living on base six days a week with the other cadets, but a man needs some down time. When he first arrived to the academy, the house was there and waiting, which raised his suspicions. It was bought and paid for in his name. It was about half an hour from the academy, tucked into a small forest area. To be fair, it was quite nice and none too shabby. Fireplace included.

Giving the kitchen a quick survey, a timely knock had him rubbing the back of his neck as he made his way to the front door.

Why were they doing this? This was nonsensical. Insane. They were playing a risky game by being in each other's very company. But it felt so good at the same time. Sinfully good. _Dangerously_ good.

With a deep breath he opened the door.

"Hey there." He said with as little care as possible. Why should he? She was a distant colleague. An old friend. He took in her attire. Comfy dark jeans, one of those fiery motorbike jackets she wore sometimes. Used to. _Used to_ wear sometimes.

"Hi. Long time no see." she joked. He indulged her light-heartedness with a shake of his head and a smile. He nodded for her to come in. She did. Awkwardly. Though only he would have picked it up.

He wandered ahead of her into the living room to hide his discomfort. It was an unusual feeling. Nervous, for reasons he was unwilling to identify, yet another part of him cried out for him to relax. In his mind, this was a friendly catch up between to two former colleagues. But, for some stupid reason, he wanted to completely let loose and get to know Carter outside of work. Then his mind screamed 'yes' and 'no' to him. He could, but he couldn't. She wasn't part of his life anymore. She was part of _his_. And he wasn't Jack O'Neill anymore. That piece of logic was the bit screaming 'yes! Go make a friend!'. But he was Jack O'Neill before then. That part cried 'No! You can't!'.

Shut up Jack, Jonathan is in control now. I have my own life now. And I'm not going to envy yours any longer.

"Wow..." she looked around the room. He subconsciously looked around for anything he had forgotten. Something on the floor or the sofa he didn't pick up.

"It's more organised than I thought..." something caught her eye across the room. "These are incredible photographs." She admired the larger frames that lined the walls. "Did you take these?"

She pointed to the one in front of her. It was a stream, with water flushing over some rocks. The colour was fresh and vibrant. He gave a small shrug and nodded. She didn't hide her surprise, or the fact that she was impressed.

The doorbell rang behind him, announcing the arrival of food.

"I got it." He retreated back to the door. Of course you've got it, you idiot, it's your house! He thought. He quickly returned with the large pizza, making a swift stopover in the kitchen for plates and two cans of soda, the only occupants of his fridge.

He handed her a diet Coca Cola, remembering she liked the taste better, and cracked open his own unleaded. He set the pizza box on the glass table and fell into the sofa. She sat next him like it was nothing. And it was. Really.

"Guess what." He said before biting into the cheesy slice.

"What?" she tore off her own piece.

"I quit drinking." He said in between bites.

"I should hope so. You're what? Eighteen...ish?" she guessed before taking a bite herself. She let out an indulgent 'mm'; obviously not getting enough junk food these days.

"Yeah. But I'm not going to start when I'm actually allowed to." He took another bite and swallowed quickly. "I figure, might as well quit whilst my liver likes me." He licked some stray tomato paste off his knuckle. "Why waste a second chance?"

"Fair point." she admitted, polishing the last of her slice off. "So, I'm curious: why am I listed as your next of kin?"

"Oh, I just needed a name when I enrolled. Yours was the first that popped into my head. I can't exactly use my other self. You don't mind do you?"

"No, not at all. I was just surprised... so... the Coast Guard, huh?"

"Yeah. Boats. Couldn't resist. Besides, apparently I have a knack for choppers. And it's not as regimental as the Air Force. Well it is, but it isn't. Ya know?" he asked. She nodded her understanding. "I wasn't up for the Army or Marines. I considered the Navy for a while, but eventually the Coast Guard won out. It's been good. I'm actually enjoying it. It's not full on military, but enough to make life comfortable."

"Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it." she smiled politely. And she was. It seemed to suit him.

"So how is everyone?" he asked lightly.

She gave him an 'I'm not sure I'm allowed to tell you look'.

"Well, I'll get the worst of it out first." She finally relented to his mild pout.

"Uh oh..." he was worried.

"For one, Janet died offworld a couple of months after your incident..." she said sadly. He felt as though he had been punched in the chest. Janet was dead?

"How?" He felt tears grow in his eyes and he hid his face in his hands.

"Staff blast to the chest." He groaned. "She was saving someone else and got hit. Died instantly." She relayed mournfully.

Oh god... Janet.

"Cassie?" he remembered.

"She's in college at the moment. California. She was living with Janet's brother for a little bit." Her tone changed to something lighter. He would cry for Janet later. There was a lot more to talk about.

"Um also..." her voice went back to that sad and sombre tone. His chest tightened. Daniel? Teal'c? George?

"My dad and Selmak died a little over a year ago." She said quietly. He looked at her, now curled defensively in the corner of the sofa. She probably felt a bit vulnerable at the moment.

"Geez Sam... I'm sorry." And really he was. He briefly noticed how nicely her name rolled off his tongue. But he had begun to identify her as Sam in his mind a long time ago.

"It's okay. I'm fine. I was with him to the end and he went peacefully. We ended on a good note." She offered a shy smile and he knew she was being honest. He let her have a moment to compose her thoughts again.

"Congratulations on the promotion by the way. About time."

She smiled and began to tell him about Jack's promotion to Brigadier General and George's promotion to Lieutenant General. How Jack had taken over the SGC and made her promotion his first act. Jonathan smiled. He would have done the same thing. He was glad she got command of SG1. It sounded like things were going great. Apart from Janet and her dad of course.

Then things didn't sound so great. Alright, not a fair assessment, given it was no longer his life, but it wasn't totally right. Sam had nearly married another man. Some cop from Denver. Even weirder, Jack had gotten a girlfriend of his own. He couldn't get past the part about Sam breaking it off with this Pete guy.

"Carter...sorry, _Sam_, not to be dense, and it's not my place to pry, but: what?" he was confused.

She seemed conflicted about how much she would divulge. It was unreasonable to ask for the same censure as Jack, it wasn't his business. Anymore. However, as far as he was concerned, it used to be.

"I couldn't bring myself to marry him... I would have been settling. I _could_ have been happy with Pete. He was great. But he wasn't everything I wanted... " She bit her lip and looked away. "Because there is only one person I really _ever_ wanted."

They shared a sad silence.

"I'm guessing that's why I, _Jack_, broke it off with Kerry?" he felt shame for his second mistake.

To his surprise, she snorted. Then giggled. Not a girly giggle. More like a snigger.

"She broke up with _him_. Told him to retire. Called him he was an idiot for letting the Air Force keep us..." she trailed off. 'Apart', he presumed she was going to say.

"I hope he listened. He's a bigger idiot if he didn't." He admitted.

He was surprised at his honesty. Actually, more at his openness. He would never lie to her about their thing. The thing they used to have. The thing she had with him.

"I guess that's where you and he differ." She shrugged sadly. She tried to smile but it was hardly convincing.

"Wait... so you two didn't..." he left her to finish the sentence. She sighed.

"Well... he got promoted again and moved to Washington. I left the SGC to work at Area 51; it let me live a little closer to Cassie. We weren't in the same chain of command anymore, but I told him I was going to Nevada and he let me go. Never followed. It didn't take long for the SGC to get a new commander, Hank Landry, I think you knew him. SG1 got a new commander too: Cameron Mitchell. He brought us all back together and now I'm back on SG1." She explained, deliberately keeping him in the dark about the Ori.

He was left in stunned silence. What the hell... the man was a moron! Jack O'Neill, you were a genetic advancement in the wrong freaking direction! He left that man in charge with only one mission: make good on his feelings for Sam. The feelings that Jonathan still carried around with him every day, despite his best efforts. They were there, strong as ever, he had just pushed them far away.

"That's it." He stood up quickly. "Grab your bag, we're going out." He ordered.

"What?" now it was she who was confused. Impatiently he took her by the elbows and removed her from his couch.

"If that _dipstick_ didn't take his chance, then even if it's the last thing you and I get to do together, we're gonna go and have some fun." He hooked her bag over her shoulder. "Tonight we're Jonathan and Sam. And I am personally going to follow you out that door... I promise."

That seemed to have sold her. He held out an innocent hand. She studied it for a moment, but gave him an abandoning grin and took it. He decided to screw following, he tightened his grip on her hand and lead her out the front door. Exactly like Jack _should_ have done.

~SJ~

**A/note: Yeah, I know there are some factual errors. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: not mine.  
Chapter summary: Sam and Jon explore a carnival and can't help but gravitate towards one another, until Jack finds out.  
A/Note: So, for those who read the last few chapters, here are what has been changed: Jack is no longer at the US Air Force Academy, he's now at the US Coast Guard Academy, in Conneticut. Also, I made Sam his guardian, but only for admin purposes, as Jon explained last chapter. thank you for everyone who pointed out some problems in the earlier chapters (that could have been avoided, shame on me.) and special thanks to Kristen.**

Bigger update this time. It seems to alleviate my guilt. A little.

**~SJ~**

She wasn't surprised to find a motorcycle in his garage. She probably should have been, but really she wasn't. The wicked joy she got out of seeing him, sitting there on the muscular machine, revving the engine with his black shirt pulled tightly over his shoulders sent a shiver through her body.

This was so wrong. Unbelievably wrong. But that was why it felt so good. It was the forbidden fruit. Not quite the taste of her forbidden feelings towards Jack. The age difference, the very vicarious nature of the little adventure they were about to embark on. It was all so... _tempting_. This had a darker, more seductive taste to it.

He looked up and gave her his sideways glance and a raise of the eyebrows. He was so young, so free. But for a second, he looked far older than eighteen; he had the confidence of a man much older.

"Sam?" he asked in the 'carter' tone.

What the hell.

She slid the helmet over her head and jumped on behind him, bravely wrapping his arms around his waist. She felt him tense and she nearly reconsidered herself. But he quickly relaxed and tried to shrug on his own leather jacket. She let him. Only to wrap herself around him again, pressing her body into his back. He laughed cheekily and put his glossy black helmet on and they were off.

As the wind passed over his neck, she caught his scent. It was very similar to Jack's. Almost the same, but not quite. There was an interesting mixture of youth thrown in there. She caught the smell of starch; from the uniform he wore every day and the slightest tinge of sweat, probably from earlier exercise. She also caught the smell of soap and leather.

She was twisted, surely.

They rode around for a long while, and she enjoyed the trip given how well he handled the machine. They came to a stop in a very large car park. In the distance she caught sight of a Ferris wheel and many different coloured lights. A carnival?

He quickly pulled off the bike and thread his arm through the helmet, much like she used to do. Still did.

"Come on." He beckoned her with a wave of his hand. Given that she hadn't been to a carnival in years, and more than she would care to admit, it wasn't difficult to surrender to his boyish enthusiasm. She followed his lead, taking her usual place at his right side.

The music was too loud, the lights were blinding, the grass well trodden on and some people had had a few too many. It was great.

They walked around for some time, stopping to look and laugh at the sideshows and performances. They ate cotton candy, hot dogs, and burgers and drank too much soda. They tried their luck at sideshows and he even won her a magenta teddy bear. It was incredible. It had been so long since she felt this young. The problems of the universe faded away and only this carnival existed, solely to entertain her. She found herself laughing and smiling at every turn. She laughed like a chipmunk when Jack got stuck in the mirror maze.

Jonathan. When _Jonathan_ got stuck in the maze.

Jack was a (reasonably) serious man, with a sense of duty and responsibility, bound to the expectations of the galaxy. Jonathon was Jack unleashed, when all those things didn't matter except the here and now. She shook off any serious thought, ignoring herself when she realised how uncharacteristic all this was of her.

She put her hand out in front of her, trying to find him in the maze, his grinning figure standing all around her. His grin became cheekier as he moved out of her view. Sneaking all around her. Oh great, now he's gone.

"Marco?" she called out.

Two arms wrapped around her, trapping her arms to her chest.

"Boo!"

She was already suffering from the giggles and this only made it worse. She nearly doubled over from the fright. It was odd, she was never this jumpy. Her giggling faltered, only for a split second, when she saw their reflection in the mirror ahead.

It was painfully familiar. It was like a photo from a dream, though very different. He was smiling unreservedly with her in his arms, her own features free of any care or stress. Totally in the moment. Before she had time to think, he let her go and gave a gentle nudge on the base of her back.

"Come on, one trip on the Ferris wheel, a crack at the slingshot or something and then we'll head home. What'd 'ya say?" he grinned.

"I'm not sure Jon, it's nearly eleven." She checked her watch.

"Ah, one more, it'll be fun!" he grinned.

"No Sir, I'd rather not." She caught herself. He didn't miss it either. He withdrew into himself, finding his bike helmet suddenly interesting.

"No Sam... It's Jonathan to you. Jon, if you want. I'm not you're CO anymore." He muttered sheepishly. "I'm not him."

And I don't want you to think of me that way, he added mentally. But he understood why it slipped out. Last time, he told her he was still 'Sir to her' but now he wasn't. They weren't CO and 2IC. He was enjoying it just being Samantha and Jonathan.

He found her hand covering his, stilling the fidgeting motion of his hands. He finally looked her in the eye. What he found, did not shock him, it did not surprise him at all. They shared a knowing look. They were thinking the same thing.

They were playing a dangerous game, but neither would stop until they had to. Neither wanted to.

**~SJ~**

It was approaching midnight when they finally returned to his house. The automatic porch light came on. She stayed at the base of the stairs and he ascended towards his front door. He turned back.

"I can't tell you how great tonight was, Jon. I'm glad we went out... It was fun." He looked down at her. She stood at the base, her purse dangling in front of her knees and the head of the teddy bear poking out of it. She seemed so open, like looking at her held no strings attached.

There was something wrong though. It took him a moment but he worked it out. He was in the wrong place. He learnt this from his complicated friendship with Don Spears, his Physical Training instructor. Privately, they shared a friendship, but when Jon and he spoke, he made sure his head was not higher than Spears', such as the time when he caught the man at his desk, in his office and took a knee during one of their lengthy conversations. Even with his lifetime of experience, Spears was still far wiser than Jon (or Jack) could ever be. It was how he acknowledged his place in the friendship. The subordinate.

He casually slid his hands into his jeans and descended the stairs until he was nearly toe-to-toe with her. Much better.

"I'm glad you let me drag you off. It was fun." He grinned warmly.

She chewed mercilessly on her bottom lip and dropped her gaze. A strand of hair fell and his hand automatically came up to her face. She looked up again.

"May I? I've always wanted to..." she gave him a tiny nod.

He gently pushed it back to where he knew it belonged, allowing his fingers to pass gracefully over the top of the golden strands. Her features became calmer and she relaxed under his tender touch, her eyes slipping shut.

Without thinking his fingertips ran along the line of jaw and she shuddered.

He quickly drew it away and her eyes snapped open. He couldn't. The part of him that was Jack O'Neill, the part that 'cared a lot more than he was supposed to' would make him do something both he, Jonathan, and Sam would regret. But he didn't want to scare her away. Not now.

"Feel free to swing by tomorrow." She was ready to protest unless he came up with a good and legitimate reason for her to come over. "I like your company." And that was his excuse. He expected her to decline. Make an excuse. Run.

"I'd like that." she smiled.

Not that.

He was in a mild daze as she disappeared into the night and left him at the base of the stairs. He sat down on the step and finally let his thoughts flow.

Why hadn't Jack followed her? Why didn't he retire, like Kerry had advised? Sam was ready to marry someone else for crying out loud! Was he so dense to not pick up the hint that she left Pete for him?

It didn't matter. Not yet. Not anymore. He had a another day with Sam and he knew when she left, it would be for good. They wouldn't see each other again. (Short of him breaking an arm and she was notified as his next of kin.) But if Jack missed it, Jonathan was happy to have the man's cake and eat it too.

There was no point in wondering over Jack's mistakes. At most, all Jon could do was show her what Jack _could_ be like, help her fall for him again. And let him spend a few days with the woman he would never get out of his system and finally end that era of his life. Finally let go and let him really become another man. He had to get the best out of Jack O'Neill's life before he could embrace Jon's.

~SJ~

_Washington, DC_

"Come in." Jack barked when a knock sounded at his office door. He glanced up quickly to see who was disturbing him. Captain Donald. Of course. Was it that time of the year again?

"Sir, something seems to have come up."

"What happened?" he gave his full attention to the younger Captain. He had requested a report every four months on his clone. Make sure the kid was settling in. Keeping up with school work and what not. Though he didn't show it at the time, he did genuinely care about the kid; even paid for the house he now enjoyed on weekends. He knew the kid would need the chance to get away. Not that anyone knew about this except himself and the Captain.

"I understand I was not authorised to take photographs Sir, but I felt you would want to see this. I just happened to see it whilst I was off duty." He dropped a folder on his desk, saluted and left.

Jack put his pen aside and opened the folder.

There, smack-dab in the middle of the large black and white photograph was his teenage clone, at what appeared to be a carnival or something like that, with his arm carelessly thrown over the shoulder of his former second in command: Lieutenant Colonel Sam Carter. And what cut him up was the smile she had on her face, and the fact it was directed at him. His breath was taken by the purely affectionate grin the little bastard gave her back.

"What?"

**~SJ~**

**So... any reivews would be abundently ( I think I spelt that wrong) helpful, since I changed the story. I NEED to know how whether these changes are okay. I know there are some factual errors. Can we let them slide?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: not mine.  
Chapter summary: baby birds *squeee!* and Sandy comes to visit.  
A/note: two chapters today :) well they're there. Might as well get published. Okay, I need a beta. I've been looking for one and I can't find any! My stories are always reasonably short and hopefully interesting. Can anyone help? Or at least point me towards a beta?**

**~SJ~**

_Saturday afternoon_

He practically ran to the front door when the sound of knocking filled his ears. He threw it wide open, an honest grin engraved across his face.

"Hey... Sandy?"

Okay, not who he was expecting. He recovered quickly, his smile returning. Sandy was still his good friend.

"Hi. I, um, I wanted to drop this off..." she said, kind of shyly. She held up a book from the academy library between them. _Persuasion._

Of course! He spotted it the other day when they were chatting and she was talking about her favourite novel. It was now on his bucket list of things to read, but he didn't have his card that day and was resigned to leave it there. Sandy must have signed it out for him. Though it now occurred to him that he never asked her what the book was about.

"Hey cool. Thanks. I appreciate it." He took it, flipping it over in his hands to avoid her gaze. Not that it was awkward, but there were a lot of things he felt were unspoken between them. He just didn't know what. It was like they had something to talk about, but the silence spoke for them. He liked the silence Sandy was able to offer him.

"Well, don't lose it." She shrugged.

"I won't." He assured her with a smile.

"Alright then. See ya later." She gave him a small waved and walked down his driveway, probably back to the academy; she always went running off base as soon as liberty arrived. His friends spent many weekends at his place. He knew it was mostly because it was a chance to get off the base and have somewhere to go; his three closest friends came from interstate. And they made a nice rabble in his house.

His thoughts were deferred when Sam pulled into his driveway. He greeted her with a tip of his head and a smile.

"Hey... I got an idea for us today. How creative are you?" He bobbed on the balls of his feet, his hand still holding the novel and the other tucked into his pocket. She seemed to consider his question.

"I dunno. Why?" she slapped her hands onto her thighs.

He stepped back over the threshold and reached inside to the table near the front door, dropping the book on it. He pulled out his SLR camera and gave his eyebrows a brief waggle.

For a second her mind went in the wrong direction, eliciting a worried look. She seemed to quickly understand and mouthed an 'uh'.

"Come on, I wanna show you something." He beckoned her to follow him with a flick of his wrist. She did so, her curiosity evident. He crept around to the back of the property. The outskirts of a forest penetrated his back lawn. He walked through the trees, looking back to ensure that she was still following him. She was.

He stopped by two entwined trees, a ladder leaning against them, stopping just where they separated. She halted by him, looked up the tree then back to him.

"Jon?"

He held out his camera. She took it hesitantly, looping the band around her neck.

"Up you go." it wasn't a request. That was a Jack-ism. She shook her head dismissively and climbed. Half way up, she realised he had joined her. 'Not exactly safe Jon', she thought.

"It's alright. Its nailed in up the top and dug in deep at the bottom. Keep movin'." He reassured, having once again read her mind. She preferred that possibility to the alternative: that he still knew the most intimate workings of her mind.

She did as instructed and climbed to the top. She felt him behind her and his elbows pressed into her sides, his hands clamped down on the rung below her shoulders. His nose emerged over her right shoulder.

"You see 'em?" He inquired.

"See what?" She wondered, looking all around. His hand snaked up and around her shoulder, pointing between the tree trunks. The right tree trunk was hollow and if she tilted her head to the left, she could see two fluffy baby birds, round and pudgy, their bodies the size of a golf ball each. She had no clue what type of bird, but they where ridiculously cute. They both stared wide-eyed at her, probably thinking '_you're not our mother..._' or something along those lines.

"Oh...wow." she breathed. A silly grin emerged and she was glad he couldn't see. I mean, baby animals. Come on, who wouldn't grin?

"Oi." He poked the camera that dangled from her neck. "Make sure the flash is off, don't wanna blind them. I can only get em at midday, when the sunlight gets in from the top." He whispered.

She pulled it up to between her face and the tree trunks, flipping through menu pages to find the flash settings. Satisfied she had turned it off; she careful aimed the camera at the chicks, using the zoom so as not to get too close. When she took the photo, it showed up on the LCD screen for a few seconds.

"Nice..." came Jon's approving groan from behind her. He must have moved up another rung because his voice was more above her head than before. "Only reason they're surviving is cos' the other tree is protecting 'em."

She had a brainwave and turned the camera to point at them. She took a photo of both of them, him watching over her shoulder. When it showed on the LCD screen, she was glad to see he had smiled a little for it. As had she. It was strange.

Ready to distract himself from the somewhat compromising position they had wound up in, he began to climb back down. She followed close behind, and to his credit, he only looked at her backside once. He honestly couldn't help it. It was practically dancing under his nose for the entire trip down. Although, the one look he did take, lasted long enough for him to ascertain the fact she was wearing Levi's and had a new cell in the back right pocket.

**~SJ~**

**Reviews welcome :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: not mine.  
Chapter summary: Jack calls sam, Sam tells Jon about '_Persuasion_' and Jon kisses Sam... Oh my.  
A/note: You may notice my Jane Austen motif. She's my favourite author and I like to mention her. If you're against Jon kissing Sam, when that comes around "go to your happy place." **

**~SJ~**

They spent the afternoon simply walking through the forest, stopping every now and then for him to point out something small; an animal or a natural formation. He showed her how to get the lighting right, the best angles and when to use the monochromatic filter. As they walked, she began to admire the appreciation he had formed for the natural world. Perhaps as a comforting reminder of what they had spent years fighting to protect. Regardless, he was seeing the world in a far different way than she did, and damn her, but she envied him.

It was late afternoon when they wandered back to the house; it seemed that rumoured cold front was making its way in and the wind had certainly picked up. That, and Jonathan was getting mighty hungry. Sam probably was too.

The conversation was casual, even normal. They allowed themselves to sink into the deep sense of security it offered. It was bittersweet. Painfully, sickeningly bittersweet.

Once, as they stepped out of the lush forestry and onto the grass, his fingers brushed hers. His skin instantly cooled where she had touched it afterwards. Nothing more than an awkward glance and apologetic smile accounted for the incident. He let them in through the back door, taking a quick look up at the sky, now cloudy and threatening to precipitate.

"So, you said you were around for a few days, when do you go back exactly?" he asked, heading straight towards the kitchen.

"Anxious to get rid of me already?" she quipped.

"No!" he replied, possibly too quickly. He went to say something else but his point had been made.

"Tomorrow afternoon; my flight leaves at quarter to four." She leant back against the kitchen counter, folding her arms gently. He thought carefully before he spoke again; a new habit he developed since joining up and finding himself at the very bottom of the Coast Guard food chain.

"Need a ride?" he asked with as much informality as he could muster.

"I have to take the rental back..." she replied. He hid his disappointment with a nod of his head. "But you're welcome to see me off." She offered.

He faked his indifference, simply shrugging and mouthing an 'eh'. She didn't buy it, giving him a good backhanded swat on the arm.

The comfortable silence was broken by the shrill of her cell. She took one look at it, went completely deer-eyed and retreated into his living room. He, on the other hand, ignored the usual courtesy of allowing the lady her privacy, by plucking a ginger beer from his fridge and following her. Good thing soda keeps. It was the only thing he kept in there.

He stopped short, leaning silently against the archway and watching her awkwardly try to make conversation in front of the fire. She seemed very restless.

"Oh. I see. So... how have you been?" she couldn't believe Jack had called. They hadn't spoken, _personally_, since she left for Nevada. Sure, there had been some work calls and he been by the SGC a few times. This was different. She could feel it.

"_I've been keeping busy. It's driving me nuts._" He joked. She did her best to chuckle. The rain continued to beat down and thunder was beginning to rumble. She covered her exposed ear to focus her hearing.

"I bet you're bored." She knew he was. It would be the only reason he would call.

"_Actually, now that you mention it, I was. I thought whilst I was in town, we could get the gang together and, you know... try and get Daniel drunk or something._"

"You're in Colorado?"

"_Yeah. You're not?_" Was there a hint of accusation in his voice?

"Not exactly. I was guest lecturing at the Coast Guard academy on Friday and I'm here for the weekend." She turned and caught him watching her. "Just catching up with an old friend." She gave her companion a smile, which thankfully was returned.

"_Anyone I know?_" there was that tone again.

"Well, that depends on who you know, Sir." There was no teasing in her voice.

She emphasised the 'Sir' and deliberately set him up to make this call personal. She had baited him and given the prolonged silence on the other end, he knew it. she shouldn't be playing games like this with him, it didn't seem fair.

"_I gotta go Carter. Maybe we can get together later?_" Now he was baiting her. Sneaky Bastard. She looked back at his clone again.

"Up to you... Goodbye Sir." She said coolly and hung up. She sighed and let her head drop. This drama was insignificant compared to the problems of the universe. It just seems more spectacular when it was personal.

Another rumble of thunder rattled the house around her and the power cut, leaving her in near darkness, her eyes were slow to adjust. Across the room she heard him curse. She found him looking over his shoulder out the window at the downpour.

"Now what?" she asked.

He must have seen something behind him, turning away and retreating down the hallway towards the front door. When he returned, he held a hard cover book, intently trying to read the blurb on the back. He stopped closely in front of her and flipped it around, holding it backwards against his chest.

"You know this book?" he took a sip of his ginger beer.

She had to get closer to read the cover. _Persuasion_. She did know the story, taking it from him.

"I know it." She looked at the back, trying to jog her memory. She'd only read it once. He gave her his 'please elaborate' look. Not that she often got it, he tended to avoid greater detail.

"Um, well... It's about this girl, Ann Elliot. She was in love with a naval officer named Frederick Wentworth. He wanted to marry her, but he was poor, and she was persuaded by her family to break off the engagement. Many years later, he comes back, wealthy and a Captain. But he still couldn't forgive her. A lot of stuff happens in the middle, but in the end, he falls back in love with her and they are engaged again." She said, staring into space as she tries to remember a story she hasn't read in a long time.

"If she was in love with him, why did she let herself be convinced by her family, not to marry him?" he wondered.

"It was frowned upon. Society would not accept them; they were from different classes." She shook her head in sadness. "She thought it was the right thing to do."

"I guess the world has been screwing people over for a long time." he muttered. She had to agree, and smiled to herself.

The rain continued to pound at the roof, the growing thunder growled above them. She should go back to her hotel. It was the logical thing to do in case the weather got worse. She slowly motioned the now heavy book back to him. He took hold of it, his fingers resting lightly on hers, but he did not pull it from her grasp.

Blue met brown and she found an intensity in his eyes that made her stomach flutter in a way it hadn't done in a long time. A flash of lightning illuminated the room, him included.

She felt his grip tighten and the pull on her hand, drawing her towards him. Lightning flashed again and just as quickly, his lips had found hers. It was like electricity. As it was the first time. It was not heated; it was a sensation to be savoured. She was going to go to hell for it, but she kissed him back. There was a relaxed passion with a hidden taste of fire.

No.

She pulled away from him, a tentative hand coming to his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Jonathan..." she dropped the book on the floor and quickly darted around him, making an escape path to the door.

Her hand made it to the handle before she felt him behind her again. His hand smacked into the wall next doorframe. It wasn't an angry gesture or he would have held the door shut, he was desperate to get her attention.

Her shoulders slumped under the weight of the tension unfolding between them. Her faced warmed and she knew tears where coming. No, she would not cry over this.

"Sam..." His hand slid down the wall an inch or two.

"Please stay..." he begged. She sniffed. After a moment, she released the handle.

"Besides, it would be dangerous to be driving around out there." He offered.

"Besides?" She looked at him and found a hurt in his eyes. He hesitated; she knew this was difficult for him. He wasn't a man to go around emoting his little heart out.

"I want you to stay here, with me..." he said quietly. His hand rotated on the wall, palm now facing her, offering her any comfort he could.

Another look passed between them. Slowly, she allowed herself to wrap her arms around her chest. He reciprocated, practically crushing her to him. A little sway begun left and right. She silently cried at the torturous reality of this. That it should be Jack here.

**~SJ~**

**reviews welcome :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: not mine. I wish...  
Chapter Summary: Jon and Sam share some down time.  
A/note: thanks to Adi, my new beta :) Dedi to Zara, for being Zara. Hell, I'm gonna give her the whole story!**

~SJ~

Jack hung up the office phone and leaned back in his red leather chair. He tapped his fingers on the desk and endured the small wave of guilt that came over him. Yes, he had lied to Sam about being in Colorado. But now he knew it was her in the photograph sitting in front of him.

His fingers stilled on the desk.

He rose quickly, buttoning up his jacket and grabbing his briefcase from the floor almost angrily. He wrenched open the door open and succumbed to the burning in his gut.

"Nancy, I need you to reschedule all my meetings. I won't be back for about forty eight hours." He called over his shoulder on his way on his way out.

"Yes Sir... General?" she called back to him. He stopped, turning on his well polished heel and stuck his head back through the doorway.

"What?" he snapped.

She grabbed his peak cap from the hat rack inside his office and hesitantly handed it to him. He accepted it, looking over it once. He should not have snapped at his secretary. She deserved nothing but praise for the work she did and the fact she put up with him daily.

"Thank you." he said sincerely. She gave him a quick, forgiving smile and returned to her station.

He was calmer as he left the building. He needed to go home first and pack an overnight bag. Honestly, he wasn't sure what he was going to do when he got there.

~SJ~

_Some ungodly hour of Sunday morning_

The rain was still pattering down when she awoke early the next morning. The fire had died and the power must still be out. The chest beneath her hand rose and fell steadily.

They had spent the night in front of the fire, and he had read to her for what felt like hours. She fell asleep eventually, though she had hardly been bored with his voice. They had slept on his sofa, with her body tucked between him and the cushions. During the night, his arm, which she was using as a pillow, had found a home on her hip. His other hand was still on the book, which was now splayed across his stomach.

A quiet snore escaped him.

Obviously he was sleeping well. She too was enjoying the warmth that overcame her senses. she surrendered to the lull of sleep and drifted off.

Later in the morning, the power came back on and the ceiling light woke them with a start. He stretched out beneath her and she noticed the lack of creaks and cracks his older version often experienced after waking up. Though given his obvious growth spurt, stretching seemed like a good idea.

She did her best to rub the sleep out of her eyes and ran a lazy hand through her probably very chaotic hair. She blinked a few times in an effort so remove the dazed look on her face. She was still lodged between him and the sofa, their legs intimately tangled together.

She looked up, coming nearly nose-to-nose with him. She pulled her head back a little.

"I need to go home and pack." She pulled her right hand out from under him, venturing a look at the time. "It's 12:14. God, I haven't slept in this late in a very long time." she smiled and rubbed her eyes again.

"Me neither." He chuckled. "I'll come see you off later. Quarter to four right?"

She nodded.

"Meet you at the gate at half past three, then?"

"Yeah. Sure." She agreed.

Realising she still had to get out, she rolled over him, totally disregarding the for one second she was lying completely on him, and crouched on the floor next to the sofa. She gazed out the window where the rain continued to pour. His hand on her cheek brought her attention back.

"You know what will happen when you go... don't ya?" he said quietly.

"We won't be the same." She guessed.

"I'm going to move on. Properly. As far as Jack O'Neill goes, my life is complete."

"I know how you feel about me. I understand what you once felt." She confessed.

"Then I have no unfinished business." He smiled. "But he does. So do you." His hand moved in a soft caress. Her eyes slipped shut. "You deserve to be happy Sam." Her eyes opened again. "You both do. I know he still cares for you. He would never have stopped. Because I never stopped. I won't."

"Thank you." she said, her emotions extremely raw.

"So we live our own lives." He smiled comfortingly.

She closed her eyes again, sighing contently and tenderly laying her hand over his, pushing her cheek into his palm.

~SJ~

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: not mine... I wish.**

**A/note: I'd like this story finished in time for my Bday on the 23****rd****. I want to commit my time to another story to be posted that day. Which, coincidently, the 24****th****is my second anniversary here at . Thanks to Adi!  
...oh, wow, I got totally distracted by this story, I must update 'conversations' (O.o) Oh thats bad... sorry, rambling, read on.**

~SJ~

His eyes were tightly shut as he tried to nap on the plane. It didn't work. He readjusted in his seat, which, despite being business class, offered him little comfort. A steward walked swiftly past and Jack quickly caught his attention, requesting a bottle of cold water. The steward whisked away and returned, bottle and glass in hand. Jack accepted it gratefully.

He took a mouthful and pondered how the next twenty four hours would go down. What if he found them together? Was he going to confront her or him? That was an important question. Because, really, who was he angry at?

It could be the fact that she allowed herself to come into contact with him. Which wasn't actually her fault, given she didn't know he was at the academy. But he knew Jonathan was there. It might be the fact she was responding to his attentions.

But those attentions came from him. He must have pursued her. Sam wouldn't have started this. He should know better. Because Jack knew better.

Ah, but that's the kicker, isn't it?

If he were him, which in a twisted way he was, he would have loved this chance to be with Sam. No chain of command to stand in the way. It angered him that the kid had done what he himself had not. Jon had allowed himself to act on his feelings. The feelings Jack knew he had for Sam after all this time, because he also felt them.

That's where the anger came from. The fact that Jonathan was different enough from him to make a move based on one of the things that made him and Jack the same: their feelings for Sam.

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping to divert the thoughts that threatened to consume him.

~SJ~

Jon met Sam, as agreed, at the airport. They walked around the terminal in comfortable silence. There was a break in the weather and her flight was one of the few that weren't going to be delayed. When the time came, he walked her to gate six as the first of the passengers began lining up, tickets in hand. It was then that she turned to him and hugged him tightly. He turned his face into her neck, committing everything about her to his long-term memory. He heard a murmur from his own neck, where she had snuggled her cold nose.

"Goodbye Jonathan..."

He pulled away far enough to look her in the eye.

"Bye Sam... You know, he still loves you... 'cos I do." He whispered, given the heavy crowd surrounding them. She smiled warmly.

"Just so you know Jon, I care about you too. And not just because you _were_ him... I like the person you're becoming."

He grinned, safe in that knowledge. The last of the passengers were passing through the gate. She needed to go now.

"Jon, there's just one thing that I was wondering..."

"Yeah?" he gave her a Jack eyebrow.

"Why would you buy a book if you weren't sure what it was about? I've never known you to read or collect books." She frowned.

He was taken by her random question. He had to redirect his train of thought away from them, and back to yesterday.

"It came out of the academy library. Sandy, a friend of mine, brought it over yesterday morning. She liked it, so I said I'd read it." He shrugged, still confused by the question. She smiled and shook her head.

"That wasn't a library book Jon, it was bought. She must have gotten it for you." She grinned. "I'd say Sandy likes you. We only got up to chapter five, you know. Maybe she could read the rest with you."

He couldn't think of an adequate reply. Sure, he liked Sandy, as far as friends go. Okay, maybe he liked her as a special kind of friend. A dear friend. Maybe more?

He liked that idea.

She gave his arms a squeeze before letting him go.

"Good luck." He said when her hand finally slipped from his fingers. He missed her already.

"You too." She turned and walked away, only looking back once with a beautiful smile that told him everything. He offered her one back. One that said everything from 'thank you', to an 'I love you' and 'I'm never going to forget you'.

And then, she was gone.

~SJ~

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: not mine, but it is on my christmas list :)  
Sumarry: Jonathan and Jack. Rain. A punch and a Handshake. Curious?  
A/note: ThanX to Adi, my wonderful beta! I'm distracted by this story, it's chronic. But whilst updating this, I'm (literally) writing the next chapter of 'conversations'. One more chapter to go for this one though! I would like to start my 19th story on my 19th birthday (23rd dec), it's still in draft mode though. I'm rambling again aren't I...? Oops. Enjoy!**

~SJ~

It was raining again as Jonathan drove back home. The wind shifted constantly and the rain poured relentlessly. Bursts of light in the distance flashed frequently and the temperature had dropped quickly. He felt the rumbling of thunder through the steering wheel and he couldn't fight the chill that ran down his spine.

He pulled into his driveway, and was surprised to find a shiny black Statesman in his spot. He cut the engine and peered out the windshield towards his porch. The rain continued to bucket down and he could almost make out a figure sitting on the front steps. Someone obviously wanted to see him.

He stepped out of his car into the heavy shower. The raindrops were fat and soaked him quickly. Only then did he realise who was sitting on his porch step, equally wet: Jack.

Instantly, the rain was negligible, though it continued to run down his face, which was quite annoying. Rage rose inside him and Jonathan found himself storming towards the elder version of himself. Jack stood up ready to speak to him in a far too rational manner for Jon's liking.

Jon's common sense kicked in just short of shoving the man and he tried to keep his emotions at bay.

"What are you doing Jon?" Jack asked. He sounded just like their father.

Jonathan's anger erupted at the sound of Jack's condescending voice and he swung a fist into Jack's jaw. His hand was slick and the impact left a sting on his knuckles... and hopefully Jack's face. Jack turned and leaned forwards, rubbing his open jaw.

"You idiot! How could you let her go?" Jon cried out against the rain and thunder. "Ya know, we had a great couple of days together! And I have to let her go, because she's not _mine_ anymore!"

Now it was Jack's turn to get physical; he stood up straight and shoved the young man back, almost toppling him over. He advanced on Jonathan, his fist clenched. Jon stood his ground, ready to take as good as he gave.

"What did you do Jon? Did you sleep with her?" he growled.

"God no, she would never have allowed it! But we experienced more than you ever did!" Jack halted, kicking up water in a puddle. "You should have taken the chance she gave you! Like I did!" Jon barked. He decided to keep the kiss to himself. He knew Sam would too. It was purely between them.

"You, of all people, should know I would have if I could!" Jack yelled over the downpour.

"What?" Jon was caught off guard.

"I asked for a transfer to R and D in Nevada. I would have followed her right into her new damn office!" Jack explained. A flash of lightning crack overhead. "Hayes denied the transfer."

"Why didn't you tell her?" Jon's anger was dissipating. Slowly.

"I was afraid..." Jack confessed. His fist unclenched and his body relaxing in exhaustion.

"What... Why?"

"She asked me for the transfer to fifty one. I thought she was running away. I went to Washington and she never called. A couple of weeks later, the SGC start begging for her to go back. I was the one that ordered her back onto SG-1. I thought it was what she wanted. By then, she was going offworld all the time and nothing happened. I figured she got over any idea of us." Jack explained, his voice now weary.

Surely this was one big joke. Jonathan laughed and pushed both hands through his hair, sending a rush of water down his neck and face. Jack was clearly stunned by his reaction.

"You really are stupid, Jack!" he proclaimed.

"What?"

"You didn't retire. You allowed her to transfer across the country. You agreed to put her back onto SG-1, back into the chain of command. She left Pete for _you,_ Jack! _Come on_! She moved to Nevada to get out of your chain of command and be closer to Cassie! She tried to tell you heaps of times! I know she would have! And if I know you, you wouldn't hear it..." he snapped back. "No wonder she didn't make a move, you did everything to convince her you didn't want her!"

Jack stopped and thought it through from the new angle. Damn it. The kid was right.

"She still loves you Jack." Jonathan said calmly. "But man, you really screwed this up."

All the anger Jack had felt over the last twenty four hours was gone and replaced with a sick feeling in his chest.

"Don't push her away like we did with Sara. I got my second chance, but you have to fight for yours. Don't be afraid of losing her. You won't." Jonathan stepped up close to him.

Jack looked at his familiar eyes. The rain began to slow and eventually it stopped as they stood in silence, stewing over this revelation. The clouds passed quickly overhead, having run their course. Jack held out a hand. Jonathan shook it with a tight grip. An agreement had been made; Jack would go after Sam like he was supposed to.

~SJ~

**TBC... Reviews welcome.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: not mine... I wish :(  
A/note: So, apparently, this is my final chapter. I hope the ending does the story justice. It's my 19th Bday today (fully serious) and I want to knock off this and 'conversations', and post my next story 'sacrifices'. Thank you for the kind reviews also! This chapter is un-betaed and I hope my wonderful (and merciful) beta will forgive me, but I HAD to publish today and... "it's just so damn exciting!"**

~SJ~

_Monday morning_

She sat in the commissary, a text book in one hand and a spoon full of yogurt and cereal in the other. She took a generous mouthful, which she nearly lost when Jonathan suddenly flung himself into the seat across from her.

"Hey Sandy." He greeted with an endearing grin.

She covered her mouth, turning away just slightly to hide a fake cough. Actually she was blushing but didn't want him to see.

"Hi Jon." She said after she had hopefully recovered. "How was your weekend?"

"Um... dramatic." He nodded thoughtfully. "But, it's a brand new day. How about you?"

"Oh, great. Hitting the studies, running in the rain... The usual."

"Running around in the rain, really?" he asked, a hint of teasing in his voice. She simply looked to one side and suppressed a smile. Yes, she had been out in the rain.

"Hey, I was wondering if you would like to swing by tonight and I'll read Persuasion to you..." he leant over and gave his most pathetic and cute pout. "...please?"

"Alright. If you're that anxious for my company." She relented, unable to say no. Even without the pout. He sat back, clearly pleased at his success.

"I am, and would not be persuaded otherwise." He joked. She was amused with his pun and rewarded him with an affectionate smile. She saw his features soften and wondered if something had changed between herself and Jon.

~SJ~

Sam was glad to have to be home. Suffice it to say, the events of the previous 72 hours had exhausted her, mentally and emotionally. It was late by the time she arrived home and the only thing she unpacked was her toothbrush and toothpaste. Within twenty minutes of walking through her front door, she was in bed.

It took her almost two hours to finally fall asleep. Whilst her thoughts were many, she couldn't get a grasp on a single issue. Mostly, she thought about her situation with Jack. Nothing had actually changed. Thanks to Jon, she knew where she stood with Jack... or at least, had a slightly better understanding. But unless she did something to break the cycle she and Jack were stuck in, she would continue to come home to an empty house and sleep alone. Eventually, Sam gave up and fell asleep.

Sam did not expect a familiar black truck to pull into her driveway as she locked her front door to go to work at eight o'clock the next morning. Wow, Jack's truck was like a tank next to her tiny silver Volvo. He climbed out and resolutely walked up to her.

"Sir? What are you doing here?" She did not hide her surprise at finding him on her doorstep.

"Not that kind of visit Sam. It's Jack." He corrected. She noted the confidence in his voice. Whatever he was here to talk about, he had put a reasonable level of thought into his half of the conversation.

"Okay." She gave a dismissive shrug. He took a moment before he spoke, as if to choose his words carefully.

"I know about you and Jonathan..." He stated dryly. Oh boy.

"Come to give me a serve?" she replied strongly. Sam was not thinking about her responses and followed her instincts to challenge him.

"Nope." He said simply. Wait, what?

"Why not?" she asked without thinking at all. He raised an eyebrow.

"Do you feel that I should?" he asked.

"What... no. I, I just... why are you here Jack?" she returned to defensive state of mind.

"We need to talk." His poise faltered and he rubbed the back of his neck. "More like_ I_ need to talk to _you_... about us."

"Us, as in..." she waved a pointed finger between herself and Jack.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Oh..." she looked away and began to toy with the car keys in her hands.

"You see..." he cleared his throat. "I feel I need to apologise."

She returned her gaze to him. It took longer than she would have liked, but she was eventually able to look him in the eye. She waited for him to continue, lest she say something that would hinder his resolve.

"I'm sorry I didn't come after you. I was supposed to. It took me _way_ too long to work that out." He said dejectedly.

No kidding.

"I wanted to follow you, I even asked for a transfer to Area 51 to oversee research and development. My request was denied and I since I didn't really hear from you, it was easier to think my problem would go away." Jack continued.

The inference that she was a problem in his eyes caused a swell of anger to rise in Sam. She suddenly grew impatient of the man in front of her.

"Jack, I'm going to be late for work." She went to walk past him and his hand snagged her elbow. She froze next to him, not looking at his face.

"You're not my problem Sam..." Jack said, the hurt now evident in his words. He let her go and her legs carried her to her car before she was able to process the new information. She stopped and turned back to him. He was watching her, defeat written across his features.

"Then what is?" she asked curiously.

"My fear. If something ever was to happen between us, I would have something to lose all over again. It's easier to live alone and not feel the loss. I was afraid to take the risk of loving you, because if I did, it would with _all_ of my heart. If you weren't interested: no problem." He tried to state indifferently, looking to the ground. He looked up and gave a shrug, then turned to walk back to his truck, evidently believing that she no longer felt anything for him.

It was quite the opposite! He admitted to wanting to love her. How could she let him walk away now?

"Jack, wait!" Sam called as she followed him to his truck. He stopped at his door, not wanting to look at her. Ignoring the fact they were standing on the road, she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. He turned to face her. They shared a glance, trying to read one another.

"Come here." She pulled him down and embraced him. He held on tight, his face pressed into her neck, as if it was the last time he could ever have her in his arms.

"Do you trust me Jack?" she asked.

"With my life..." He replied, his emotions raw.

"Then don't be afraid." She soothed. She felt him frown in confusion against her shoulder. He pulled back to give her that 'please-elaborate-without-detail' look that she knew so well.

She smiled warmly at him. Jack soon caught on and grinned back. He searched her eyes carefully, trying to find any hint of doubt.

"You sure about this?" He asked seriously.

"Are you?" she asked back.

"You know, for someone so _damn_ smart, that's a dumb question." He teased.

"I know." She smirked. She gave him her patented two-hundred megawatt smile as he leaned in to kiss her.

~SJ~

**Done. Any comments are welcome with my inbox's open arms. Merry Xmas everyone! Stay safe!**


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